#100 - Alpha 5

Alpha 5 of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers fame didn't make this list because he is necessarily a great robot with an amazing personality. In fact, he's quite the opposite - absent minded, has a slightly annoying trademark nervous tick (aye yai aye yai yai), and rather susceptible to high pressure situations. He lacks a sleek design and his functionality is marginal at best.

Even when monitored in a controlled environment, it's difficult to determine if Alpha was programed to be an assistant robot to a world defense force, or if he was intended to house the soul of some guy's dead gay little brother. Alpha 5 is not even a viable cultural icon and his list of accomplishments barely even rival that of Tucker Carlson. And much like the aforementioned political pundit, Alpha 5 is pretty much a useless douchebag.


What qualifies Alpha 5 for this distinct honor is the fact that he is quite simply an amazing piece of machinery. Just think about how many German engineers it would take to design and manufacture a sentient robot who consistently walks like he was recently the recipient/victim of bear rape. Anyone, robot or not, can walk like they've got a broomstick up their ass, but no one can do as consistently as Alpha 5. Check out this video to see how flamboyantly this little guy can move.

On top of that, this motherfucker has more points of articulation than Stretch Armstrong. This is quite impressive, considering that Alpha is not composed of any know organic material. No matter how useless and mysterious his purpose he may be, Alpha is a fine piece of engineering. The real shame is, we'll never know who we can credit for the creation of Alpha 5. The safest bet is Zordon, since his omnipotence is second to only the Judeo-Christian God.